Tuesday, 15 November 2005
Beth: Beth needs...
I haven't had much to write about recently...I've become rather disillusioned with quite a few things as of late. Is there really a place for me in this post-college, working-woman's world? Often I have felt left out to dry, forgotten by the college that was all too eager to put me in debt for the next 40 years and then usher me out the door before I'd hardly had a chance to bid it a proper farewell. I feel as though my entire education was a build-up to promised success and happiness, and now I'm being let down. Often I wonder if I will ever be happy doing whatever it is I'm doing for 40 hours out of the week, and pessimism gets the better of me. Most of the time I feel like I won't fit in anywhere. And so I am terrified to move on to something new, for fear of that happening all over again. I am growing weary from the toll this is taking on my spirit.
(I'll just come right out and say it: I made the wrong job decision back in April. That stings to have to admit.)
I know it's probably unfair of me to be saying these things, since I have had some incredible experiences. Just not out in the "real world." All I want is to be happy, fulfilled, and making a difference. I guess that's a lot to ask.
In other, less-depressing blog-tidbits, a new blogging fad tells people to type in "[their name] needs" at Google and list the first 10 things that come up. What a marvelous waste of ten minutes! So without further ado:
1. Beth needs it, so it will be done. (Can't argue with that!)
2. Beth needs follow-up surgeries. (Heaven help me, I hope not.)
3. Beth needs prayers. (Yup.)
4. Beth needs to realize she has a problem. (I have many problems, thanks.)
5. Beth needs cash and agrees to go deep undercover. (I think that spy work is more up Julie's alley.)
6. Beth needs your vote at Foxsports.com! (Yeah! Vote for me! Underwater basket-weaving while performing a triple lutz!)
7. Beth needs a first-floor bedroom. (I was taught that young women should avoid first floor apartments. But what do I know.)
8. Beth needs to look within at what she is believing about her weight, food and exercise. (I knew that YMCA membership would start sending me subliminal messages soon.)
9. Beth needs teeth. (Uhhh...)
10. Beth needs to know where we are every second. (Do I have OCD?)
...and because #11 was too good to leave out...
11. Beth needs to rediscover what made us fall in love with her in the first place. (O faithful readers, do tell!)
P.S. Sorry for two depressing posts in a row here...must be that time of year.
What other people had to say
Emily (Harris) wrote:
Hi Beth. I'll come out of the lurking corner to say hello and let you know that I feel the same things right now. I got married after undergrand and followed my husband down to North Carolina where he's in a PhD program at Duke. Right now I'm working for the unversity in an administrative role that doesn't require a college degree and uses few of my skills beyond being responsible, punctual, organized and good at data entry. I'm applying to graduate school right now but every day I still think about what it is I want to do with my life. Will I ever find something that uses my skills and that I actually enjoy? I'm scared that I might give in to the necessity of having a job and do something that I dislike for years just to have an income and help my family. For we women who have to balance family questions on top of work things can get even more complicated.
I found you through Peter B's blog and he has a link to me on his site. Feel free to come over to my side to visit (or to lurk) anytime!
Julie wrote:
Incidentally... number ten would probably indicate an anxiety disorder more so than ocd.
Julie wrote:
I completely empathize with everything you said because it so aptly describes what I often think about and feel as well. College was a great fit for me and I despair of ever finding anything job wise that would be as fulfilling as school was. A part of it is probably, at least for me, the unfettered possibilities that seem so attainable when in school compared to the reality of having to do something in order to attain those possibilities. And the necessity of deciding what path to actually choose- I don't want to limit myself. I love being interested in a lot of things and just learning in general. So, no words of encouragement, unfortunately. Just identification.
Julie wrote:
When did you lose your teeth? I will definitely take the spy job. Yay!
Rachel wrote:
Hi Beth. I've been having the same feelings as of late, wondering about my future job-life. So I got the degree, have ambled through a few jobs, and still feel like I'm on a plateau going nowhere. And now I'm faced with having to make a decision in the coming year about how I will proceed... Do I leave my 30-hour/week job with fun people and sucky pay?
It seems like a lot of my future plans depend on my income... or do they? People end up pregnant all the time and somehow manage. People upgrade their homes without too much debt. Somehow I am never content in my current situation.
My mother-in-law said that me switching jobs is like my husband giving up his car... somehow if I take an unfulfilling job as a receptionist to make lots of money and have good benefits, that equates to my husband driving a klunker and saving money. Yet, he would be able to (at any time) go out and purchase another vehicle, an upgraded ride, with the snap of the fingers. I, on the other hand, would lose that "experience" that somehow is supposed to get me somewhere in the job market.
Yes, it's all pride-related. And it's tough to swallow. When do you bail on the current situation, or decide to sit tight?
Hope all turns out well with your job situation.
Erin wrote:
Re: #11
Is it her smile? Is it her charm? Is it her laugh?
All those are good, but the best part has always been the non-verbal communication, after which Christian mutters something about women under his breath. ;-)
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